Thursday, August 31, 2006

Idea for a New Paper

Why not use the newspaper in its current format to introduce stories and push people to go online for the rest of the story. It might be a good way to, slowly, promote the online properties and expand the readership.

Idea for a 'Fight Club'

Start a club where people can come and yell at each other and let out steam. It might be a venture with much therapeutic use. Moreover, these new-fangled cures for stress are quite in vogue now. It could also be spun off into a TV channel.

Idea for Janet Jackson

Write a book on Whacko Jackson and call it 'Jacked'. Your singing career is pretty dead, anyway.

Idea for a Richard Branson

Start the world's first space cemetry. After all, cemetries are desperate for space. It might also fuel his venture for commercial space travel."

An Idea for New Indian Express

Merge with Deccan Herald. Rebrand yourself as Deccan Express. Go in for an IPO.

An Idea for Barack Obama

Don't enter the presidential race in 2008. If you do, you might end up playing Veep to Hillary.

An Idea for Educationists

Today's kids are smarter than the previous generations. So let's do away with 12 years of school education and make it 10 years instead.

An Idea for Metropolises

Ban burial grounds and cemeteries in metros. Build more electric crematoriums instead. This way, we can use land for the living and not the dead.

An Idea for TI Cycles

Launch a designer cycle rickshaw specially built for a tourist experience.

An Idea for Nike

By using only the 'Swoosh', you are wasting millions of dollars spent on building the name 'Nike'. So have two brands - Nike & Swoosh. Use Nike for apparel. And 'Swoosh' for sportswear.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Idea for Anil Ambani

Find an honourable way to rethink your close links to Amar Singh and his gang

Idea for Sourav Ganguly

Announce your retirement from Test cricket and focus on ODIs. If you make a comeback to Test cricket now, people are bound to attribute it to influence and that will, surely, undo whatever good feeling the people of India have towards you.

An Idea for Eric Schmidt

Work with Apple to create a portable GPS Locator. You can call it a Goople (google + Apple) Compass. Apple can contribute to the aesthetics. Google can help with the search technology.

Idea for Nita Ambani

When you're thinking of doing an advertising campaign for Reliance Retail, consider putting yourself in the ads. It might be a path-breaking idea.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

An Idea for Luerzer's Archive

Start an art direction awards. Only entries that make it to the Archive will be in consideration. The shortlist & the winners can be announced through an Awards Annual.

Idea for shampoo manufacturers

Launch a shampoo meant for the scalp. Balding people who don't use that much shampoo might be tempted to start buying more shampoo.

Monday, August 28, 2006

An Idea for UGC

Set up a University of Indian Languages. Name it after Narasimha Rao, the best known Indian polyglot.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Idea for an interactive video game

'Whodunit' is a cricket game where the objective is to find out who the match-fixers are and how the matches are being fixed. The degrees of difficulty will be determined according to the kinds of fixing chosen. Choices will include 'fancy fixing', 'run fixing', 'sponsor fixing', 'injury fixing' and the like.

Idea for a resort

Start a 'Farm Resort.' People pay to come and live there to farm. Promote the idea of taking a week off every year to experience basic living. People come there, work on the farm and eat what they grow.

An Idea for the United Nations

Apply the 'Pluto Principle' to nations and re-designate small countries as dwarf states. This might put an end to the demand for separate countries in places like Kashmir, East Timor, Eelam & Chechenya.

An Idea for the Birlas

Start a 'Ganpati' museum. And take it national. It will become a huge tourist attraction.

An Idea for Darrel Hair

Write an autobiography titled 'Hair Raising Tale' and blow the whistle on ICC. Sell the rights to News of the World or The Sun.

Idea for ICC

Don't agree to the demand that the Ashes have English and Australian umpires. It will lead to the collapse of the Elite Umpires Panel, which might lead to the collapse of the ICC. Imran's idea of third-country umpries was one of the best things to happen to world cricket.

An Idea for Karunanidhi

Take a flood insurance policy for the state of Tamil Nadu for the period 2006 to 2007.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Idea for winners

Let's celebrate December 31st as International Winner's Day. The rationale: Few people will remeber the day and it'll be a good reminder to the winner's of the world of the temporal nature of winning.

An Idea for Losers

Let's celebrate the International Losers Day as a tribute to all of us. I propose February 29th as the International Loser's Day (ILD). The rationale: Even if we move the sun & the moon, we cannot host the ILD every year.

Friday, August 25, 2006

An Idea for Penguin

Get a respectable poet to tranlsate Sahir Ludhianvi's works into English.

Idea for healthcare

Introduce a 'Fat tax'. India's next prosperity-induced problem is obesity. ( I'm 135 pounds.)

Idea for a short story


Thursday, August 24, 2006

Idea for advertising agencies

Do an ad campaign for Pluto.

Idea for a Biography

Pluto has had an eventful life. Can someone inventive write about it in the form of a biography?

An Idea for a Toy Company

There's a huge sympathy wave for ex-planet Pluto. Ride the wave by launching an alien dwarf toy named Pluto.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Idea for Michael Noer

Go write an autobiography. Your experiences are spilling into something that's meant to be a little more objective."

Idea for Mani Ratnam

Start a blog on the selection process. It would make for a good reality show. Or turn the selection process into a reality show.

Idea for Mani Ratnam

Stop asking for a picture as part of your application form. The work should speak for itself. You're not asking for wannabe actors, are you?

An Idea for Wannabe Directors

Mani Ratnam is looking for an assistant director. Go here and apply.

An Idea for the MS-Office Have-nots

If you're not into piracy and you crave for an MS-Office equivalent, try and download Openoffice. It's free.

Idea for a calendar

Make the first 11 months 30 days and leave December for the rest of the days. During a leap year, an additional day can be added to December. The benefit of this, people will have one thing less to remember and can start a longer celebration from December 25th onwards.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

An Idea for Members of Parliament

Instead of paying our MPs peanuts, I propose we pay them Rs. 10 lakhs a month. But what we should do simulataneously is to snap all the freebies they get from the government. No more free phone calls. No more free air tickets. No more sitting fee for parliament. No more subsidised house rents. No more subsidised electricity supply. And no more free salaries for their secretaries. By doing away with this cocooned existence, we will be ensuring that MPs get a first hand experience of inflation and all other hardships that the average Joshi faces.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Idea for Government of India

Invite Corporate Houses to bid for very small towns and cities. It might be a good way to build more versions of Jamshedpur. It will also put a stop to people from the interiors pouring into the metros. It will also provide people who don't want to live in the big, big cities an option to consider moving to.

An Idea for the Foreign Minister

The Top 25 Indian cities should adopt 25 sister cities in Africa. And should do whatever possible to raise their standards. This small gesture will go a long way in building bridges with the forgotten continent.

Idea for Apple

Consider getting into manufacturing cellphones.

Idea for Mobile phone manufacturers in India

Find a way to make the whole handset the screen area. With all kinds of services being offered on the cellphone, a convenient viewing phone will be the need of the generation for the next generation of cellphones.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

An Idea for Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Bhutan & Burma

In 2047, India will be among the Top 5 nations. She will be a Security Council member. And more importantly, she will be the most well known brand in Asia after China. So, if you want to get onto the prosperity bandwagon, dump your national ego and propose the formation of the United States of India. The ideal year to launch it will be 2047 as many of you would have completed a hundred years by then.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

An Idea for the World

Have one common currency for all nations. Call it Globos. The value of 1 Globo can be 1 USD. A global currency will eliminate needless tensions between nations.

Idea for Goverment of India

Provide tax incentives to childless couples.

Idea for single men

Learn to cook.

Idea for a Beer Bar

Have a bar that serves beer from different parts of the world.

An Idea for Sania Mirza

If you're serious about winning a grand slam event, then you better shift base to the US. Else, marry some celebrity before your aura vanishes.

Friday, August 18, 2006

An Idea for Google

Launch a company called Google Press. The company will focus solely on publishing blooks from blogger. Minimum print run will be 100. Published blooks will be delivered wherever on earth. Plus Google Press can be used as a search engine for browsing through blooks.

Idea for Shilpa Shetty

Come up with a series of fitness videos. Your beauty, breath-taking figure and sunny personality is the perfect mix for this kind of product and for an India that's going crazy about fitness. You could be the Jane Fonda of India.

Idea for Piyush Pandey and Co.

Do a reality TV show on Ogilvy, Mumbai. As one of the most celebrated advertising agencies in India with one foot firmly in showbiz, it sure will turn out to be quite a show.

Idea for a blog

Have a blog which is a collection of SMS mesages. It might make for an interesting collection of interesting little conversations. It might also attract some advertising.

Idea for Mobile phone manufacturers in India

Sponsor a Mobile Phone Film/Photography Festival.

Idea for Google

Find a way to tie-up with wikipedia. It'll be great PR. And stop threatening to sue people over turning your name into a 'verb'. It's very bad PR. You'll only end up alienating people the way Metallica did when they went up against Napster.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

An Idea for a New Reality Show

This one's for ABCL. India as a nation is thirsty to know every little detail about Amitabh & Abhishek. So why not milk this curiosity by launching a reality show called The Bachchans. The show can be directed by Shweta Bachchan.

An Idea for Celebrity Management Companies

Sign up Tamil Nadu cricketer Badrinath before he grows too big.

An Idea for the Supreme Court

Launch a e-high-court to dispose off pending cases involving routine civil matters. For nitty gritties on the same, visit sulfury.

An Idea for Pallavan Transport

To declog your buses, you need to launch 3 different types of buses - junta, deluxe & super deluxe. The ticket prices can be 2 rupees, 10 rupees & 25 rupees respectively.

An Idea for Pen Manufacturers

Launch pens with initials to prevent pilferage of pens. This will work especially in offices as no one will want to be caught with the wrong initials.

Idea for Karan Johar

Make a film on homosexuality. You're the only one who can make a popular film on this taboo subject and help make it more acceptable.

Idea for Indian call-girls

Invest in a secret miniature video camera. You never know what you might end up capturing.

Idea for Boost

Do an advertisement with Sachin and Budhia.

Idea for Indian Railways

Consider going in for an IPO.

Idea for The Times of India

Launch a morning tabloid. India is ready for it. And you can afford it.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

An Idea for Vinod Mehta

Don't be Sonia's lapdog. At least pretend to be neutral.

An Idea for Lib Dems

Court the Asian vote if you wish to pip the Tories to power in the next election.

An Idea for Kundan Shah

Make a satire starring Vijay Raaz & Rajpal Yadav.

An Idea for Kamal Hassan

Leverage your under utlised voice. Cut a hip-hop album with Yuvan Shankar Raja.

An Idea for Madam Tussaud's

Unleash your wax museum in New Delhi with a section dedicated to Indian mythological characters and movie stars.

Idea for a resort

Let's call it the Dark Ages and people who come to the resort can be taken back in time. Our empty modern life might see a lot of people interested in going back in time for a little time.

Idea for Target Magazine

Is it time for a relaunch or at least to get on the web? You used to be a good children's magazine. So good that some people still recall your name and characters like Detective Moochwala with fondness.

Idea for a National Award

Taking a leaf from an idea proposed by a fellow blogger, how about an award for 'The Filthiest city in India'? Never underestimate the power of shame.

Idea for Indian advertising agencies

It's time to do an advertising campaign for a quieter Divali.

Idea for shopaholics

Quit your job. It'll cure you of your addiction.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Idea for the anti-reservationists

Keep quiet for some time. India is on the road to prosperity because the lower-caste leaders have been given a share of power. In the absence of this, there would have been anarchy. Give the less-privileged a share of job pie and we'll see India becoming an even more prosperous country. Only merit is an over-rated thing. A country doesn't just need over-smart people to move forward, it also needs social justice and order. The ability of many hands to pull together is a more effective tool for development.

An Idea for Rakesh Roshan

Launch a comic book company that will start creating comics around the Indian superhero Krrish.

An Idea for Michael Jackson

Shed your 'Wacko Jacko' tag by doing an anti-paedophile single. And donate the profits to victims of child sexual abuse.

An Idea for Municipal Corporations

Launch a 'Dirtiest House' contest in your municipality. Give the winner 'The Broom' award. And put the winner's picture in the newspaper. To avoid ridicule, people will start keeping their houses clean.

An Idea for the Indian Government

Introduce a uniform for the government employees. Let some smart designers work on the same. The uniform will bring some dignity to the job. And will make it easy for the layman to identify a government employee who's taking a bribe. Once the central government implements this, the state governments can follow suit.

An Idea for Fitness One

Launch an FPO (Fitness Program Outsourcing) arm that will take care of the fitness needs of employees of BPOs and Software Companies. Ideally every software park in the country must have an FPO. Fitness One could make a start by launching one at Tidel Park.

Idea for ugly people

Start blogging. It's the easiest way to make people look at your brains and not how you look.

Idea for Johnny Depp

After Shantaram, ask someone to make a movie on the Indian mythological God Krishna and play the role. Your sensitive and androgynous looks make you a perfect fit.

Idea for Amar Chitra Katha

Launch a TV channel.

Idea for a better world

Destroy all mirrors.

Monday, August 14, 2006

An Idea for Arun Shourie

Launch a rightist version of Outlook with Swapan Dasgupta as working editor.

An Idea for HP

Launch a basic PC with just word processing & emailing abilities for five thousand rupees.

An Idea for Kamal Hassan

You've under utilised your ability to sing. Cut a hip-hop album with Yuvan Shankar Raja.

An Idea for Failed American Actresses

Come to Bollywood. There's a need for gori chamdis here.

An Idea for Somalia

Somehow Somalia has become a metaphor for poverty. Time to rebrand yourself?

An Idea for Doordarshan

Dig into your archives. Do an audit of all the films you have rights for. Hawk it at an exhorbitant rate to Sony, Zee, Star or Sahara.

An Idea for Manoj Bajpai

Knock at Mani Ratnam's doors for projects. He's doing more Hindi projects these days.

An Idea for Indra Nooyi

Fly down to India. Meet Buddha Dev, the Chief Minister of West Bengal. Announce a big investment in some backward district in West Bengal. And see Buddha turn into a spokesperson for Pepsi. This will take the leftist sting out of the ban-cola bandwagon. More importantly, you'll score a big brownie over Coca-cola. And the press will hail it as a masterstroke.

An Idea for the IITs

Introduce film making as an elective in all the IITs.

Idea for Unilever India

Consider using Laloo Prasad Yadav as one of your brand's ambassadors. He's a cult figure who is also populist. With a little thought, he could be exploited in some very interesting ways.

Idea for Sri Lanka

Offer a 'no-visa' policy for the people from the State of Tamil Nadu. It will bring in money and enterprise from the state of Tamil Nadu into Sri Lanka and be a good exercise to make the Tamil people of Sri Lanka feel like you care.

Idea for George Bush

Start a fund for the reconstruction of Lebanon. What that will do is give you a good name and give American companies a chance to corner all the contracts, which will give you super-easy access to funds during your re-election campaign.

Idea for Indian Muslims

People out to get you always question your patriotism, how about countering that by launching a political party and calling it 'Muslims for India'?

Idea for a movie

Remixed songs have become an easy way to make money. How about trying remixed movies?

Idea for the BJP

Drop Hindutva and launch Indutva. Neither Hindus nor Muslims or for that matter anyone will be able to oppose a philosophy that's centred around Indianness. The problem with Hindutva is it's too Hindu-centric.

Idea for Anil Ambani

Invest in solar energy. To harness the power of the sun, you need aggressive and large investments. You are one of the few players in the energy sector with both.

Idea for Sportstar

Revamp and relaunch your website. India doesn't have a decent all-sports website.

Idea for India Today

Convert the weekly into a daily. It goes better with the name.

Idea for Kapil Dev

Get someone to write a book on the Kapil Dev v/s Sunny Gavaskar battle of the 80s

Idea for the Indian National Anthem

Allow people to do a remixed version of it. It's a broad-minded way to make it hip. In many ways Bharat Bala and Rehman's version of Vande Mataram brought the other great song of India back into the public eye. It will also prove to people that we're not fuddy-duddies and are willing to move with the times. The other thing it will do is make people talk about Jana Gana Mana.

An Idea for Laloo Prasad Yadav

With your new found image as the 'Turnaround King' it might be easy for you to push your case for becoming India's next finance minister. The leftists will support you for sure. Considering there are no backers for P. Chidambaram, the coup should be a piece of cake.

An Idea for Rakhi Sawant

If publicity is all you want, become the first Bollywood actress to do a Playboy centerfold.

An Idea for Marina Beach

Organise an international scale Beach Marathon to promote the Marina.

An Idea for Pranab Mukherjee

Prime Ministership is out of question. Try becoming the next President of India. Position yourself as India's first Bengali president. Also play up your christian credentials.

An Idea for Fidel Castro

Launch a Castro brand of cuban cigars.

An Idea for Vijayshanti

The TRS has failed. So launch a mass agitation for Telengana.

An Idea for Indian Television Channels

Hire the programming team of Kairali TV. They're better than the best in our country.

An Idea for Tehelka

Offer to serialise the autobiography of Madan Lal Khurana.

An Idea for Lonely Planet

Offer free blogging facility in lonelyplanet dot com. Otherwise you might lose your equity soon.

An Idea for Post Offices

Download and install Skype at all village post offices. And offer call making facility at dirt cheap rates.

An Idea for Amul

Launch branded lassis in chocolate, strawberry & almond flavours.

An Idea for the Education Minister

Scrap all the state entrance exams. And introduce one exam like SAT. It will make life easy for the students.

An Idea for Sportstar

Start using Celebrity Sportsmen as Guest Editors every month.

An Idea for The Times of India

To build bridges with the younger crowd, start giving out comic books as supplements on Sundays.

An Idea for Nokia

True to your motto of connecting people, you can introduce cellular phones with 5 new buttons. These buttons when touched can translated conversations into French, English, Arabic, Chinese & Hindi using a recorded voice.

An Idea for India

Our national anthem is too dated. How about having a new anthem that will resonate with the entire nation?

An Idea for a Cyber Army

Every nation must develop an army of hackers who can wage a full fledged cyber war if necessary.

An Idea for Blogger

Since many people create blogs with an idea of turning the blog into a book, may be you should introduce templates that give the blog a book feel.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Idea for Titan watches

Tie up with TIME magazine for the 'Man of the Year' watch idea, which has been suggested by one of the members of this blog . It'll go well with your brand name.

Idea for a TV channel

How about a channel called PITV? (That's short for Politically Incorrect TV.)

Idea for fashion

Why not consider wearing the bra outside, as opposed to inside, the item of clothing that is normally worn above a bra? While Superheroes don't look great wearing their underwear outside, women might not look so bad.

Idea for a shirt

Have a velcro shirt. The collars, the body, the sleeves can be changed and mixed and matched. This way you can sell the shirt in parts and the wearers can have great fun coming up with different combinations.

Idea for a TV channel

Have an 'ads only' channel called 'Commercial break'. Good commercials are among the most entertaining things to watch. There's already a blog run by one of the members of this blog that's more entertaining than most TV channels. Sourcing content for this channel will not be difficult and you will not have to pay for it.

Idea for Shrinks

Rename yourselves 'Happiness Consultants.' There's a lot of negativity associated with the current terminology. The new name will draw more people to you.

Idea for Insurance companies

How about extending the idea of Life Insurance to a product called Birth Insurance? Your market going be people who don't want to have kids but are afraid they might by mistake.

An Idea for a TV Channel

Most TV channels offer a fare that cater to the metros. Time we launched a TV channel catering to the small town, village and suburban crowd.

An Idea for Gays

Just like Jews of the world united to have a nation of their own. May be gays can do the same. They can all join up and buy an island near America. And declare it as a separate country. Conservatives and liberals across the globe will be for it.

An Idea for Time Magazine

Time Magazine has created a lot of hoopla around the Man of the Year concept. Time to milk it. Every year Time Magazine can tie up with a watch company and bring out a 'Man of the Year' watch. The watch will have the face of the 'Man of the Year' on its dial.

An Idea for Maggi

Create a Gongura flavoured sauce for the Andhra market.

An Idea for Perrier Mineral Water

No one's done an ice-cube shaped bottle design for a mineral water brand. Do it.

An Idea for Greater Mumbai

Create an actual township called Bollywood. Name all the streets after the stars. Real estate prices will shoot up. The government can make a killing.

An Idea for Bill Clinton

Have a sex change operation. And re-enter the US Presidential race.

Idea for Hollywood

Make a movie on the Indian mythological bird-man, Garuda.

Idea for helmet manufacturers

Find a way to build air-vents into helmets. Currently, a lot of people avoid wearing helmets because they are stuffy and incredible hot.

Idea for exhaust pipes

Find a way to build an air-freshener into every exhaust pipe. The benefits are obvious.

Idea for Outlook

Launch a fashion magazine and call it Poutlook.

An Idea for Old Age Homes

Overcome resource crunch by tying up with Shri Mahila Griha Udyog. Inmates can earn money by making Lijjat Papads in their free time.

Idea for MK Stalin

Drop the 'Stalin'. Call yourself MK.

Idea for Natwar Singh

It would be better if you shut up and wrote a book. You can call the book 'Natwar Sings'. Do it before you end up getting used and abused by the opportunists who are currently arounding you.

An Idea for Cheap Stock Photos

Visit istockphoto. You get large format pictures for as little as 5 dollars.

Idea for Mallika Sherawat

Launch a brand of lingerie and call it Mallika's Principle

Idea for Madhur Bhandarkar

Make a film on cricket. Call it Corporate II

An Idea for Big Babol

Launch a bubble gum named Panchangum. Target audience can be those who believe they are unlucky. Ad theme can be 'Get lucky'.

An Idea for Madhur Bhandarkar

Make a film on cricket politics. Call it Dalmiya.

An Idea for Mallika Sherawat

Float a cosmetics company and launch a lipstick brand named Kissmiss.

An Idea for Africa

Learn from Europe. Have one common currency.

An Idea for Imran Khan

Moderate muslims are thirsting for another Mustafa Kemal. Hamid Karzai does not have popular support. Pervez Musharraf is seen as an American puppet. How about filling this slot?

An Idea for Coffin Makers

Offer to create coffin rockets that will burn in outerspace and incinerate the body. Coffin rockets might find some takers with the hollywood crowd, rock stars & weird billionaires.

An Idea for Handkerchief Makers

Focus on creating a cost-effective stain proof handkerchief.

An Idea for Congress (I)

Don't believe the Hindu opinion polls. It's a left inspired strategy to lull you into announcing a snap poll. Aim to complete your full 5-year term.

Idea for Laxmi Mittal

Make a hostile bid for TISCO.

Idea for Indian policy makers

Give up the N-bomb. Now that we know how to make it and have proved a point, let's prove a point by giving it up. We'll benefit a lot more from saying no to it.

Idea for Sanjay Dutt

Get into politics.

Idea to improve your handwriting

Stop using the keyboard.

Idea for the lonely

Learn to play the harmonica. Unlike most other companions, it's cheap and will go with you everywhere.

Idea for Creative Directors in advertising agencies

Make friends with the client.

Idea for the award-hungry in advertising

Do a campaign on the dabbawalas of Mumbai. It's sure to snare a big international award.

Idea for popularity

Make yourself scarce.

Idea for T-shirts

Do a line of T-shirts using Bushisms.

Idea for an idea

Sit on the throne with nothing to read. It's remarkable how often it works.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

An Idea for Tirupati

Start selling mini versions of the Tirupati laddoos at TTD counters across the globe.

An Idea for Shoba De

Start writing scripts for Emran Hashmi flicks.

An Idea for Terrorising the Terrorists

The United Nations should set up a crack team of commandos to bump off terrorists. The commandos could be drawn from the armies of the Top 20 countries in the world. The team will be given a list of 100 terrorists to eliminate every year.

An Idea for Wiping Out India's National Debt

Put the Taj Mahal on sale. The price: 1630 billion dollars.

An Idea for Nepal

Let's face it you are a Hindu country. And that should be your USP. If you want to be a secular republic, you might as well merge with India.

An Idea for a New Form of Tennis

Since Tennis is all about powerplay these days, so why not have a shorter version of the game? Just 1-set. No tie-breakers allowed. This way a whole championship can be staged in a day.

An Idea for Nokia

Launch a cellphone with a health detector (pulse rate + temperature measurer).

An Idea for Chinese Entrepreneurs

Launch a Chinese language school in all 6 metros in India. And then slowly roll out to other cities.

An Idea for Dabbawalas

Sign up with Mid-day and offer to push the Mumbai paper to your clients if they offer you a sweetener.

Idea for India

Break the country up into even smaller states. I believe smaller states will lead to better governance.

Idea for a quieter country

Put in place a fine for all motorists who start honking the minute the traffic signal turns green.

Idea for a news story

Do a story on where all the sex-sirens of yesteryears are today.

Idea for Mahesh Bhatt

Make a movie on Parveen Babi's life.

Idea to control crime

Mandate that all court cases should be decided within a year.

Idea for SAARC football

Push for a unfied team. There's a better chance of doing a little better on the Asian stage.

Idea for BCCI

Telecast the selection panel meetings. Not only will it bring transparency, you will also get a lot of money from sponsorship.

Idea for a mutual fund

Launch a fund where the cost per unit is Re. 1

Idea for Noam Chomsky

Shut up and stop the hypocrisy. You've taken the most advantage of the Capitalism that you militate so violently against.

Friday, August 11, 2006

An Idea for Murali Karthik

Harbhajan Singh, Piyush Chawla, Romesh Powar & Anil Kumble will always be favoured over you for Test or One Day Cricket. A tempting option you can consider is the Kevin Pietersen route. Emigrate to another country and aspire to represent them in a short period of time. Me thinks, the best place to emigrate is South Africa because they badly need a good spinner.

An Idea for Islam

The Al-Qaeda elements are bringing a bad name to your great religion. So how about issuing a fatwa saying, 'henceforth anyone indulging in any terrorist act that causes loss of life or injury to innocent civilians will not be considered a muslim'.

An Idea for Euthanasia

Many nations and states are debating Euthanasia. If the deed is left to the doctors, they might carry this guilt all their life. And there is always this cloud of suspicion whether it was murder or Euthanasia. To eliminate the shadow of doubt & to ensure that the doctor has no guilt, I have a solution. The government can appoint professional Executors who will have the licence to kill like hangmen. If one wishes for Euthanasia, one has to petition the Executor's office. The Executor's office will consult with the doctor and the concerned family and pass a verdict that the patient is fit for Euthanasia. Then the Executor will carry out the execution without remorse.

An Idea for AAAI

This one's for the Advertising Agencies Association of India. Make it mandatory for agencies to charge a pitch fee of 50,000 rupees. This will force the clients to pick and choose their agencies carefully. And agencies won't waste precious time dishing out free ideas.

An Idea for a Great Vacation

Join the annual film appreciation course in the Pune Film Institute. You can get to watch hundreds of movies, interact with some creative minds and soak up Pune for a whole week for just 5000 bucks. Idea conjured up by Vinoo Krishnan.

An Idea for Aditya Chopra

Sign up VZ Durai, the tamil film director. He has a very fresh way of handling romance.

An Idea for Indian Railways

How about having train hostesses for Shatabdi & other luxury trains? Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav are you listening?

An Idea for XBOX 360

The launch of XBOX 360 is imminent in India. Microsoft can generate positive media buzz for XBOX by gifting free video game versions of traditional Indian games like 'Aadu Puli Aatam', 'Saanp Seedi' & 'Paalang Kuzhi'. The same can be offered as free downloads in the XBOX website.

An Idea for a Noiseless Wake Up Call

You don't need a beeping cell phone or a ear-splitting alarm to jolt you from your stupor. Waking up on the dot is possible without the clamour of a clock if you just use your thought power. All you have to do is to ensure that the last thought before fall asleep is: "I wish to wake up at X AM or PM". Your biological clock will carry out this order without fail.

An Idea for Rahul Gandhi

Getting UP to vote for you is an uphill task. An easier way to appropriate the halo of a mass leader is to ask 'Soniaji' to appoint you as the man in-charge for Uttaranchal. Elections are due early next year. Congress looks iffy there. Your entry might actually put the limelight on Uttaranchal. And if you win, you can legitimately stake claim for leadership.

Idea for the Democratic Party

Get a good advertising agency. More of then than not, it's not what you believe in that matters, but what the public thinks you believe in that does.

Idea for artists

Get used to rejection.

Idea for Arundhati Roy

Launch The Green Party of India. You might not come to power but you might garner a significant share of the vote which might make you factor in who comes to power. It might also help you do something more than just complain fruitlessly about the causes that matter so much to you and many others.

Idea for Sachin Tendulkar

Forget you are Sachin Tendulkar. It's the only way you will discover Sachin Tendulkar.

Idea for the Sportstar

Get a fresh set of writers. The content being churned out is tired and not in keeping with the fresh design.

Idea for Penguin Worldwide

Launch Penguin Blogs. It might be the easiest way to find budding writers.

Idea for B-Schools

Introduce Sports Management as an elective.

Idea for Harsha Bhogle

Write a book on Sports Management.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

An Idea for Mike Selvey

Shift base to India. Offer your services in cricket analysis to the highest bidder.

An Idea for the Anti-Tobacco Lobby

Push for a legislation that forces Tobacco companies to offer a cancer insurance cover.

An Idea for Democracies

Lower voting age to 15.

An Idea for 7up Lovers

Add a pinch of salt to chilled 7up if you want a fizzier, punchier drink.

An Idea for Channel V

Sign up Guitar Prasanna as a brand ambassador. And promote him as the guitar icon of India.

An Idea for Miramax

Create a venture for producing Indie English films with an Indian flavour. Sign up Deepa Mehta, Mira Nair & Nagesh Kukonoor.

An Idea for Naseeruddin Shah

Convince Govind Nihalani to make an English film titled 'Ayodhya'. The film will have you in the lead as a Hindu constable posted to protect Babri Masjid on December 6th.

Idea for Rahul Mahajan and Varun Gandhi

The BJP needs some young leaders. Undertake a Yuva Purity Padayatra to the top 10 holy places in India and then relaunch your career in Indian politics. The Indian junta are suckers for this kind of thing. They will welcome you with open arms. Varun Gandhi, you might want to join him.

Idea for Ratan Tata

Get out of the Telecom sector. You are too conservative for this sector.

An Idea for Jaswant Singh

Write a book for Oxford University Press on "How to sound like a pucca English Sahib".

An Idea for Ratan Tata

There is no organised played in the inter-city bus services sector. With improved highways, sooner or later, this segment will take off. The most respected operator in South India is a firm by the name Sharma Transport. Buy out this outfit. And take it national. Rename Sharma as Tata Travels.

An Idea for Discovery

Make a documentary on 'The Origins of Carnatic Music'. Choose Mark Tully and Bala Murali Krishna as the anchors.

Idea for Youth 4 Equality

Rename yourself as the 'Middle Class Party' and let your ideology be neither Right nor Left but Economic growth only.

Idea for hill-stations

Build car-sheds outside the hill-stations and convert the hill-stations into bicycle-only paradises.

Idea for car-makers in India

Launch a two-seater convertible. The Indian middle and upper-middle class will lap it up.

Idea for Lebanon

Invite the USA to station a peace-keeping force on their soil. It'll keep the elements within Lebanon in check and stop Israel from destroying the country every time they want to go after the Hezbollah, Syria or any other Islamic terrorist element. USA will grab the opportunity because it gives them a presence in one of the most strategic parts of the Middle East.

Idea for sons of famous fathers

Downplay the family name. It adds to the pressures of being the progeny of a successful father.

Idea for Anil Ambani

Sign on Abhishek.

Idea for Islam

Get rid of the Abaya. It's one of the most negative manifestations of an otherwise sensible religion.

Idea for the Indian Postal Service

Get into the banking business. Your reach will make you a very strong player.

Idea for the Indian Government

Provide monetary incentives to keep one's own neck of the woods clean. Money is the only thing that will make a money-obsessed culture such as ours think about trivial matters such as civic sense.

Idea for the Bears

Stay away from the stock market for a month. Let people start belieing in the Bull run again. Lull them into a sense of complacency. And once the money has flowed back in, return with a vengeance.

An Idea for Gurcharan Das

Join the BJP. Help shape their thinking on matters of economy. And aim to emerge as their Jairam Ramesh.

An Idea for Reader's Digest

You have become kinda stale after the blog revolution. Here's a simple solution to reinvent yourself. Start a blogger equivalent. Offer free space for hosting blogs. And feature the zingiest pieces from the blogs in your magazine.

An Idea for Youth 4 Equality

Register yourself as a political outfit. And contest the Delhi State Elections. You might win a few seats as people are angry with the Congress and the BJP is busy dousing internal squabbles.

An Idea for the Sikkim Government

Everybody knows Sikkim makes great beer. But the real pity is Sikkim beer is not readily available outside the state. So how about creating a brand called Kalimpong Beer and marketing it globally. Who knows, it might turn out to be Sikkim's most famous export after Baichung Bhutia.

An Idea for the North Eastern States in India

The North Eastern States are never in the limelight and hence the multi-nationals never see the place as a great investment destination. It's about time to break this myth. The way to go is to sign up Narayanamurthi as a brand ambassador for your region. As he has more or less retired from Infy, he might just be excited by this challenge.

An Idea for the LTTE

However hard you may try, Sri Lanka is not going to part with what you call 'Eelam'. There is an honourable way out. Lay down arms. And sign a pact with the government of Sri Lanka. The key agreement being: the Presidency of Sri Lanka will be shared on a rotational basis between Tamils & the Lankans. Also, Tamils will get proportional representation in the parliament.

An Idea for Tamil Nadu

Madras was a wonderful name you guys dumped. The name has enormous equity. I know you will never rename Chennai as Madras. So I have a suggestion. Use the name for the most backward district in Tamil Nadu. This move will, all of a sudden, put that district on the global map.

An Idea for Osama Bin Laden

Shave. At least when you are arrested, you can look good on camera.

An Idea for Penguin Publishers

Seduce blogger Falstaff into writing a book for you.

An Idea for Venture Capitalists

Take a stake in Eden (the yummiest restaurant in Chennai). And fund their expansion to other cities.

Idea for Pepsi

Quickly cash in on the Monty phenomenon and do an advertisement with the 'Turbanator Twins,' Monty Panesar and Harbhajan Singh.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Idea for advertising agencies

Have official day and night working hours. Break up your workforce into morning and night shifts. That way, you can service clients around the world, recruit more people and let people choose which part of the day they prefer working.

Idea for beauty pagent

A Mr. And Mrs. World competition. Few people will object to it and it will push the thing that most politically correct people love to talk about: Family values.

Idea for Vijay Mallya

Convert your airline venture into a Casino-in-the-sky venture.

Idea for Indian Airlines

Relaunch yourself as a low-cost Airline. you have the infrastructure and the Government support to make it a winning venture and wipe out all other low-cost airlines.

Idea for Google

Buy out Apple Computer.

An Idea for You Tube

Launch the world's first tv channel with user-driven content.

An Idea for the Bill Gates Foundation

To help win the AIDS battle in India, how about launching a condom brand named AIDS?

An Idea for the Postal Department

The Postal Department is bleeding thanks to the courier companies. It needs to think of novel ways to make money. One option is to request the leading artists of India, for a favour. You will request them to make stamp sized paintings on topics of their interest. And will hawk these stamps at a huge premium.

An Idea for Preventing Suicides

The government should pass a legislation saying, "If you commit suicide, we will slap a penalty of Rs. 1 million on your family. Because if you vanish, we lose a potential source of income."

An Idea for Organisations

You want your employees to slog 6-days of a week, don't you? But you often notice nobody is willing to slog that hard. Here's an ingenious thought to solve this problem. Propose a 3-day week to all employees. Offer them half the pay. Hire X on Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. And Y on Thursday, Friday & Saturday. X&Y will be trained together to do the same job. They will be partners like American cops. Even if X quits, you have Y. And if Y quits you have X. Your money outflow remains the same. You get 2 fresh minds to do the same job. And most employees might accept this deal because who doesn't dream of a 3-day week!

An Idea for creating A-Tshirt-A-Day

Pull out an old T-shirt of yours. Whip out today's newspaper, a pencil, an adhesive, a pair of scissors & a stapler. Mark the dimensions on your old tee on the newspaper. Snip the paper accordingly and mimic the stitches with your staple pin. If you need your paper cloth to be thicker, increase the thickness using the adhesive. This way you can have a new t-shirt every day at zero cost.

An Idea for Sonia Gandhi

Enough of this 'sacrificer' nonsense. It's impeding your political growth. There's no shame in expressing your desire to run for Prime Ministership. Dissolve the parliament once you implement the Arjun Singh Formula and lead the Congress from the front.

An Idea for Terrible Artists

Don't you want to create an abstract masterpiece that everyone raves about? Here's my solution. It's called Distart (short form for distortion art). All you have to do is to download a colourful picture from google images, flickr or deviantart. Open the image in photoshop and start distorting the picture using photoshop filters. The end product might make the genuine artists envious.

An Idea for disabling WGA Nagware

If you're not clued into WGA, here's a small lowdown. Big Brother Microsoft has found a surreptitious way of snooping on your system. It has launched a nagware called Windows Genuine Authentication (WGA) that infects your system during an auto update. The best way to disable it is to download RemoveWGA.exe.

An Idea for a Blog

Start a blog called Raydio. Focus on featuring wacky radio spots, teasers for new radio programs, interviews with radio jockeys & podcasts worth broadcasting.

Idea for Debonair

Relaunch the brand as India's first Adult TV channel.

Idea for Posh and David Beckam

Launch a line of unisex lifestyle products.

Idea for model-turned actors

Play the strong and silent types until you find your feet. Almost always, it's your dialogue delivery that let's you down.

Idea for the Indian women's cricket team

Start playing in skirts.

Idea for Worldspace

Propose an alliance with Anil's Reliance. It'll be the only way you'll be able to swing terrestrial rights in this country and start making some money.

Idea for Anil Ambani

Pump money into 20-20 cricket in India. It will do for his Reliance what the Reliance World Cup in 1987 did for Reliance.

Idea for Bata

Revive the brand 'North Star' and pump some money into it.

Idea for Nilgiris

Approach Mukesh Ambani and propose an alliance. He'll be looking for an established player in the South to hit the ground running.

Idea for bloggers

Target the big boys in mainstream media. As the little guy you have much to gain from this strategy.

Idea for Kashmir

Turn it into a Free Trade Zone. There's nothing like prosperity to keep people quiet.

Idea for Natwar Singh

Retire from Politics. The Indian voters have lost faith in old people. Save face while you still can.

Idea for thinkers

Stop thinking. Start doing.

An Idea for the Tatas

Buy out Nilgiris, the retail chain in Tamil Nadu. And clone the Nilgiris model in other metro cities.

An Idea for The Hindu

None of the television news channels have good analysts. Get into TV programming and start syndicating content to News Channels on issues of national & international importance.

An Idea for Antara Mali

Stop sulking and move lock, stock and two smoking barrels to Kollywood. There's an acute shortage of half-decent looking heroines here. Just one catch. You may either have to put on some flab. Or get tuxom.

An Idea for Shemaroo

Get in touch with Blockbuster dot com. And float Blockbuster India. You have the right credentials as you are the largest dvd rentals player in Mumbai and you have access to some of the biggest names in Bollywood.

An Idea for Star TV

Revive Indya dot com. Get back the old hands. This time it's bound to make money.

An Idea for Nitish Kumar

Bihar is finding it difficult to attract investment. And it will take ages for serious investors to pump in money there. Here's an easy way out. Create a gambler's paradise (Las Vegas can be a role model) in the most backward districts of Bihar. No poverty stricken villager will oppose this as easy money will flow into that area. Seek a special permission from the Union Government for the same.

An Idea for Manmohan Singh

There are just 30 lakh Kashmiris who crave for a separate country. In other words just 6 lakh families. Make a radically new proposal to win their hearts. Offer them a tax holiday for a lifetime. And gift them a free house in any part of India. All they have to do in exchange is to swear their allegiance to India.

An Idea for Omar Abdullah

Break the Kashmir deadlock by demanding something new from the Central Government. The key problem for Kashmir is economic progress and lack of jobs. Ask for a 5%reservation in IITs, IIMs, Central Universities and all government jobs for people of Kashmir origin. Make this your election issue and abandon the terrorist path once for all.

An Idea for Pervez Musharraf

Your career as prez depends entirely on what progress you make on Kashmir. So here's an interesting option. Dangle a tangible carrot to India for gifting you Kashmir on a platter. How about swapping North West Frontier Province with Kashmir? May not be a bad idea because NWFP anyways wanted to be a separate nation called Pakhtoonistan.

An Idea for Lashkar E Toiba

You guys are never gonna get Kashmir if you keep bumping off innocent people. Think out of the box. Make India an offer she cannot refuse. Offer to buy Kashmir off for whatever price India quotes. Ask Pakistan to fund that amount. This way, you'll get to know if Pakistan will put its money where its mouth is.

Idea for Indian Government

Ban fairness creams. The benefits are too obvious to be stated.

Idea for Indian corporates

Ban the suit and introduce Indian formalwear as the preferred professional attire. It'll make us a more confident people.

Idea for advertising agencies

Offer to pay a part of the media cost. Clients will find it easier to believe in the advertising agencies idea's and release more adventurous work. It might also see the return of the more remunerative 15% agency fee.

Idea for the Indian government

Introduce the draft. It'll instill a sense of discipline in the Indian people.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

An Idea for the Sports Minister

The National Games is currently nobody's child. It never gets organised on time due to lack of funds. What you can do is to raise the profile of the events by inviting two world class participants in each event. This way, our standards will go up. And secondly you'll have enough meat to offer sponsors like Nike, Adidas, Rbk, Gatorade & good footage for media partners like ESPN.

An Idea for Hrithik Roshan

Hrithik, you have a great pull with Indian kids. You can build on this equity by bringing out an album of Indian nursery rhymes sung by you, penned by Gulzar and set to music by Vishaal Bhardwaj.

An Idea for the President of India

India must institute a global awards to celebrate non-Indian achievements in 24 different fields (there are 24 spokes in the Ashoka Chakra). The awardees must be flown down to Delhi at our cost and the ceremony must take place on the Independence Day. This way August 15th will become an important day in the global calendar. And India will have 24 goodwill ambassadors every year.

An Idea for the Finance Minister

Only 8 million people in India pay income tax. The reason for this is clear. The procedure is too complex & people think they pay too much. What I suggest is have just one flat rate for everyone. Just 10% of their income. Nobody will grudge paying 10% of their income to the government. This move will in one stroke unleash a lot of white money that can be put to good use.

An Idea for George Dubya Bush

Your term will end in 2008. With your Iraq & Afghan wars you have created enormous illwill. One way to win back some respect will be to set up a charitable foundation to help fund the education of the poorest of poor muslims. With your clout, you will be able to garner enough funds for this cause.

An Idea for Jayalalitha

Surprise Karunanidhi on his next birthday by calling on him and wishing him publicly. This move will be interpreted as the end of the bitter hostility between the two of you. And this can go a long way in correcting your image of being a vindictive politician.

An Idea for Kotakkal Arya Vaidya Sala

Launch a balm version of Karpooradi Thailam. Call it the Karpoor Balm. This product has the potential to emerge as a global brand.

An Idea for the Government of India

Create an online employment exchange. Hosting & management of the site can be outsourced. The site can be funded with online banner ads & google ad sense.

An Idea for Google India

Buy out Just Dial aka Ask Me telephone services.

An Idea for Karunanidhi

Create a massive Kollywood museum in MGR film city. Pick the brains of Sabu Cyril, Thotaa Tharani & Rajeevan for the same. The museum should have props, costumes, scripts, cut outs, posters, photographs, audio tapes of voices & a theater to showcase documentaries, short films & classics on a daily basis. Charge 5o bucks as the entry fee. The museum will be a huge revenue earner as a fancy tourist spot.

An Idea for the Government of India

Issuing Personal Identity Cards to all citizens won't cost a bomb, if you allow a small space for an advertisement in the card. The space can be hawked to the highest bidder. And can be executed state wise.

An Idea for TVS

Launch a home services company in Chennai that will focus on providing trained cooks, drivers, baby sitters, nurses, maids, watchmen, plumbers, electricians & mechanics. All for a monthly retainer fee. Target audience should be yuppie homes. There's a huge market for it. And there's no organised player willing to seize the initiative.

An Idea for Cavin Kare

Make a bid for Wipro Shikakai. You never know they might be in a mood to sell it off. This way you can emerge as the undisputed market leader in the Shikakai category.

An Idea for Hindustan Times

India Today, Outlook, Week & Frontline do not satisfy the need of the voracious Indian reader. Please launch an Illustrated Weekly kinda mag with a thirty something editor. And see how you hijack market shares from others.

An Idea for Vijaykant

Cultivate the Congress more than any other party. Because sooner or later, they'll break up with Karunanidhi.

An Idea for Restauranteurs in Tamil Nadu

There is no branded Biriyani Bhavan in Tamil Nadu. Launch a chain of such small joints throughout the state. Pricing should be very Sangeetha.

An Idea for Arun Jaitley

Give up your ego and aim to emerge as the next Delhi Chief Minister. Once you deliver a state, the world will start seeing you as a mass leader.

An Idea for Deccan Chronicle

Since loads of Chennaiites have relatives working abroad, start a daily column on 'The Life and Times of the Overseas Chennaiite'. The column can be penned by Chennai-born bloggers living overseas.

An Idea for Radio City

Organise a month-long night tennis ball cricket tournament in every locality in Chennai. And broadcast the scores on a daily basis with Sadagopan Ramesh as the anchor. See your popularity soar.

An Idea for Kizhakku Pathipagam

Bring out audiobiographies of celebrities using renowned voices from Kollywood.

Monday, August 07, 2006

An Idea for Ranadeep Bose

If Jagmohan Dalmiya offers you the captaincy of the West Bengal cricket team, grab it. But make sure you speak to Sharad Pawar before accepting the job.

An Idea for Pervez Musharaff

Announce your retirement. See the world hail you as a statesman.

An Idea for Kamal Hassan

Make a movie in which every major and minor character is played by you. Get Mani Ratnam to direct it. And send it to the Oscars.

An Idea for Sushmita Sen

Tie up with Mickey Contractor & Jawed Habib and launch a chain of beauty parlours in non metro cities. And rake in the moolah.

An Idea for AK Antony

Start learning Hindi. You may need it when you become Prime Minister.

An Idea for Times of India

Scrap India Times. Buy out rediff dot com.

An Idea for Tom Hanks

Enough of reading scripts. Start reading up on politics & economics. Aspire to be the democrat candidate for the gubernatorial race in New York State.

An Idea for Mukesh Ambani

Float a company to launch squeaky clean toilet complexes in every city in India. Charge 5 bucks for taking a leak. And 10 bucks for a crap.

An Idea for Shekhar Kapoor

Make a 3-hour English movie on Mahabharatha with an international cast. You'll have a guaranteed audience of a billion people.

An Idea for Saurav Ganguly

Focus on Twenty-Twenty. Aspire to be the captain of the Indian cricket team in this exciting new format.